Im starting to get over this cold. Yuck. Im a little better every day. But damn its slow.
I will tell you this, Im not a happy camper when I am sick.

But I have been sleeping well this weekend. That makes a HUGE difference.

Hopefully I will have more interesting things to post soon.

I hate having a cold. Its no fun. At least I don't have a fever or anything like that.
No pig fucker / swine flu jokes, bitches!

Anyway off to the doctor. Yuck. I worked a full day today to.
But I try to avoid taking sick days unless I am really wrecked. Especially since I worked from home today.

Wish me well. I want to be over this. I am tired of coughing up phlem!!

Had a small play party at my place tonight. It was damn fun. The energy really worked and everybody vibed and had a good time. Damn that was fun. When a play party works its an amazing thing and when it doesn't, can you say "awkward"!

I am glad my buddy got to fulfill one of his biggest fantasies in a safe environment.

Damn it was fun. It didn't go "exactly" as planned and that was great cause it kept it fresh and alive.

I have to say I keep making minor changes to the playroom and they make a big difference.
Sometimes I forget how lucky I am.

Thanks again to my buds who came over and had fun.

I have had a minor head cold all week. Nothing that is serious, just the kinda congested yucky days that slow you down.
Im able to function etc. I can go to the gym, sleep, eat, etc. I just feel yucky and I am over it.

Hopefully this will go away this weekend. I am taking it easy Satuday and Sunday, so that should help.

While I was up I was reading a bit about the Mineshaft in NYC and The Catacombs in San Francisco.

Then I remembered back to this weekend. I had the good fortune to get to meet and talk to two handsome, vibrant and intelligent leathermen who are both in the sixties. It then struck me how rare it is to see two leathrmen of that age together. Yes it happens, but it hit me that I should *KNOW* so many more leathermen of that age. But that that generation of leathermen was nearly lost to AIDS.

Its a loss that is still so visible and painful. How much of our culture was lost to a stupid virus. Then it hit me. So many of the men who have guided me on my journey were after that generation and how much we have all lost.

Its why I am thankful that there are those who are writing about our culture and traditions. That there are organizations working to preserve it. Also, its gives me great hope that some really amazing organization have survived all of this. The list is too long to name, but starts with the Satyrs, The Chicago Hellfire club, GMSMA, The Centaurs and so many others.

Its odd, go to a leather club and you will generally find young members in their early thirties and old members in their fifties, but NOT their sixties or seventies. Some of this is natural, lots of men aren't ready to join a leather club when they are in their twenties. I did, but I came out at 16 and my story is not typical. I had hippie Buddhist parents. So it was not as much of a struggle for me to come out.

Yet it is not a failure of our clubs to recruit leathermen in their sixties. Its that so many are gone.

There is a failure in our community and our clubs to recruit new members from the ages of say 23-35. I was very excited to see "Fresh Leather" form in Dallas. Its a project that has brought some great new folks to our community.

But it still hurts thinking of the men I knew when I first came out. Who are gone. I was in 16 when I met a couple of them. They were almost forty then. They should be in their sixties now and they are gone. I think what their lives could have been. Some of this focuses on the guily thought of what they would have contributed to my life. I think of my friend Jeff Harris who died in 1995, quite literally MONTHS before the drugs that could have saved his life arrived.

He was in his early forties when he died. Wow. Its hard for me to think about it sometimes. I have been out since I was 16. I started my journey in leather at 16. Im now 38. I have spent more of my life openly gay and in the leather community than I have in the closet. I am so grateful for that. Also, for about 8 or 9 years I was less active in the community, this was due to a relationship I had with my ex Michael who wasnt a part of the community. It was a mistake for me to basically leave the community to be with him. The community would have done us both good. I should have integrated that into my life.

But that's a post that will happen later. I do have to say that for many years I was with my former partner Michael it was a truly joyous relationship. I am so glad that Michael is happy in his life and I wish him well. He is now working at Apple and has his dream job. I could not be more thrilled for him.

I just wonder sometimes what my life would be like if my old friends Jeff Harris and Jim Ross were still around. If some of the great men who I met in my journey were still around.

But I was very happy to see what I saw this weekend. The collaring ceremony has been on my mind since I saw it. I really do hope that someday that boy will grow to his full potential. Perhaps one day he will be giving a collar to his boy and someone from my generation will be there to continue the tradition, run the ceremony and provide the guidance to the next generation.

Its funny, my birthday was the 21'st of January. Im 38. It is really hitting me that I am going to be 40. That I am now someone who new folks ask about our traditions and I don't know them as well as I would like. Its not from ignorance per se. Its from lack of exposure. I know all of the symbols, I have read the "right books". But there are gaps. So much of our culture is passed from man to man. Its oral, its spoken.

It reminds me of when I talked to my friends in college who were professional dancers. The loss to the world of dance to AIDS is just as striking. Choreography the language of dance is not easily written down. So when dancers die the dances can die with them.

Well so many of our leathermen have died well before their time. So much that was unwritten has died with them.

It also bothers me that there were times in my past that I should have been more observant and listening to the older men in my community and I was chasing tail. I have to say there are plenty of leathermen I know who think I should have spent my 20s and early thirties chasing tail.

Yet now I know I have so much work to do. I have so much to learn, so much growing to do. I have to be there for the men and women who are coming into their own in this community. But even more I have to be there for my friends in the community. I have lots more growing up to do.

To my friends who I have lost to AIDS. I wont forget your unconditional love.  I look forward to being the man you knew I could be.

I know it is very odd for me to be awake before 8am on a Monday. Especially one as busy and exciting as this weekend.
But I woke up at 7am and I could not get back to sleep. So writing in my Journal seemed an appropriate way to start the day.

I knew this weekend was going to be busy and exciting. It was Mr Texas Leather 2010 Weekend. I was scheduled to be the lead for the stage crew. My leather club "The Leather Knights" was asked to be volunteer stage crew for the evenings contest.

I got a call on Wednesday from Dan Perry asking if I would fill in as an alternate judge since Dr Larry was ill and would not make it to the contest.
I was touched that I was asked to do this. Often great things happen in my life when I have been asked to step forward and help others.

I had the privilege to meet four great contestants any one of whom would have made a great Mr Texas Leather.
Jack Duke of Dallas won the title. He was Mr Dallas Eagle 2010 and they were his sponsor. For those in the audience at the contest, it was very apparent that his confidence, handsome smile and sexy accent were crowd pleasers. He is in for quite a journey and will be competing at International Mr Leather 2010 in Chicago over Memorial Day weekend.

I know to most folks Leather Contests don't matter. They are an odd thing.There is the whole "pageant" element to them. But they are also a way that men and women in the leather community step forward, put themselves out there and become leaders. Its not easy to get up on stage and strut around in a Jock Strap and answer odd questions under pressure. Also, generally the interviews are pretty tough. Every judge comes at it from a different angle.

I certainly look for people who are comfortable in their own skin. I also look far beyond the body. Its not about the body, its about how one carries onself. I also look for folks who are kinky and smart. The winners generally have that something extra, that spark which brings them attention.

This weekend also celebrated the stepdown of my friend Jeffrey Payne as Mr Texas Leather. Last year he competed and won the title of International Mr Leather and he has literally traveled the world. Yet everywhere he goes everyone knows he is from Texas, and if they don't know he will tell them! His charm, with and enthusiasm are priceless and I am so proud to call him my friend. He also celebrated his birthday, Happy Birthday Jeffrey, you kinky fellow Antiquarian. I was very touched by how many folks from out of town traveled to Dallas to be a part of thi weekend and to celebrate Jeffreys work.

Yet with all of the events and hot men around in gear, the highlight of the weekend for me was something very special and personal.
It was a Collaring Ceremony conducted by Master John and officiated by Jeffry Payne, his partner David Roy and Lamalani. I was honored to be a witness to this special moment. Two smart handsome leathermen, gave their collar to a boy. This boy was a young man, but he is now bound in service to them. But the ceremony was simple, touching and very powerful. These men have taken this boy in to care for him and mentor him, further his education and send him to college. The boundaries of their contract to each other was made clear for all to see and I was proud to be a witness to this moment.

Yes this kind of relationship is not the norm. But it matters to those present and to the men who joined in this contract. I honor and respect them.

I have to admit someday I would love to collar a boy myself. I suspect that will happen. But I would be just as proud to have a partner.

That being said I have to admit I love being single. Its very fun and has its own perks.

Yes, the Leather Community is also about sex, but it is about so very much more. I really do hope that I bring folks into the community and I am welcoming.

I have been at home in the Leather Community since I snuck into the D.C. Eagle when I was 16. It is home.

So why am I up so early writing about it. I guess because it is a part of who I am. I was also happy to meet Lamalani the current International Ms Leather. Its great to see such an exciting, smart, sexy woman come forward into the kinky community. She has a spark about her that is really special. I look forward to seeing her in my travels as well. Kinky lesbians and women have always been a part of our community. Im glad that some great kinky women have been a part of my life.

Lately, I have been living a great life. I have my own place, a decent job at a decent living and I want for very little. But I also havent spent enough time with my friends. That will be changing this year. I need to work harder to be a better friend to my friends. It feels awkward to say that to the world in a journal, but its true.

Well in 15 minutes I need to be at work. So this entry will have to be continued.

Thanks to Joe My God blog. I think this might be the best gay ad ever!

Wow. Straight people are learning that many gay people in long term relationships are not monogamous.
In fact, I think they are a bit jealous. Wow it even made "The View".

Duh! Its two men. Men can understand that there can be sex without love, that sex can be just sex.

I find this very amusing.

http://joemygod.blogspot.com/2010/01/study-50-of-gay-relationships-are-open.html

Study: 50% Of Gay Relationships Are Open

 

Following up on Joy Behar's widely reported comment about gay relationships and monogamy, today the New York Times published word of a new study which claims that 50% of gay relationships are non-monogamous.

A study to be released next month is offering a rare glimpse inside gay relationships and reveals that monogamy is not a central feature for many. Some gay men and lesbians argue that, as a result, they have stronger, longer-lasting and more honest relationships. And while that may sound counterintuitive, some experts say boundary-challenging gay relationships represent an evolution in marriage — one that might point the way for the survival of the institution. New research at San Francisco State University reveals just how common open relationships are among gay men and lesbians in the Bay Area. The Gay Couples Study has followed 556 male couples for three years — about 50 percent of those surveyed have sex outside their relationships, with the knowledge and approval of their partners.

That consent is key. “With straight people, it’s called affairs or cheating,” said Colleen Hoff, the study’s principal investigator, “but with gay people it does not have such negative connotations.” The study also found open gay couples just as happy in their relationships as pairs in sexually exclusive unions, Dr. Hoff said. A different study, published in 1985, concluded that open gay relationships actually lasted longer. None of this is news in the gay community, but few will speak publicly about it. Of the dozen people in open relationships contacted for this column, no one would agree to use his or her full name, citing privacy concerns. They also worried that discussing the subject could undermine the legal fight for same-sex marriage.

And now the rest of the world knows what we here always have.

I think he is right on the mark about this. Also, it only makes sense that Masturbation is healthy and can help prevent prostate cancer.

Anyway its a fun read.

Enjoy.

How Natural Is Masturbation?

Now there's a topic for some interesting dialogue. The Catholic church proclaims that wanking is as serious a sin as gay sex because all sexuality is designed to be exclusively procreative - both as a matter of divine will but also, critically, because this is readily apparent to anyone by reason alone. (See George, Robert, or my first couple of chapters in The Conservative Soul.)

Man on woman (on top, of course) sans rubber or pill is the only way - the only way - for sex to achieve its natural ends and benefit the human being under natural law. This, I have to say, has always struck me as bizarre. I speak only for males here but Shaw was certainly right in saying that 99 percent of men masturbate and 1 percent are liars. I once caused a little stir at Notre Dame by pointing out that every priest in the audience was masturbator, as of course they all were. The natural cause of this is obvious: the male body produces far, far, far, far more sperm than can ever possibly become babies.

 

And the erotic impulse from puberty on (especially from puberty on) is one of the most powerful natural impulses we have. The Church insists that we nonetheless resist any temptation to do what comes naturally to any boy who discovers the best new toy he will ever have and let all this sperm soak our pajamas night after night. The fine distinction between this and just getting it over with seems somewhat exotic to me. A reader makes another point:

Recently scientists have determined that, at least in a man's older years, masturbation seems to have some preventative properties in relation to prostate cancer. Indeed, some doctors are now prescribing "masturbation therapy" to men over fifty. If further research sufficiently determines the health benefits of masturbation, will the Catholic Church endorse it on that basis? Even more importantly, can I get a return on the several hours of Hail Marys I said in penance in my teenage years?

Nature is an elastic concept. The Church's grasp of it remains umbilically linked to the biology of the thirteenth century. And its allegedly celibate clerisy is the only group allowed to examine it. Hence what most adult, intelligent human beings regard as the hilarity of the hierarchy's claptrap. And hence too the impossibility of actually changing it.

So we continue to live in the late Soviet period of Catholicism. They pretend to make sense; we pretend to believe them.

http://www.typepad.com/services/trackback/6a00d83451c45669e20120a8182730970b

In a cover article to coincide with Mid Atlantic Leather Metro Weekly Magazine has a fun article about people in the Leather Community in Washington, DC.

What I really like about this article is that it interviews leather men and women of many different generations. I was also happy to see a bunch of guys in their late 20's and 30's at MAL.

The article is here.

Life in Leather

Finding Purpose in the Bonds of Community